“Only the ignorance of the world, reducing the most beautiful to the primitive, keeps them from realizing their value and becoming too proud or yielding to grief. In this is our great good fortune as men!…” – SEMMANT
Again I spent hours in cafes and bars. After dates with Lidia I would wander the streets, then suddenly push open the next door I found and sit at a table against the far wall. And I would observe the girls, in search of an answer, though the question itself was still unclear.
Almost at once I discovered what a relief it was not to think of sex, and I became convinced I still knew very little about women. Yes, my former viewpoint was correct, but very narrow and one-sided. The call of the flesh – it’s deficient; affection can’t be reduced to the simple: to the body, to raging hormones. There was something more; my trained sensor now signaled without stopping. It became sensitive, like a nuclide counter, like radar for listening to the cosmos. And it was recording, click, click, click…
Mysterious corpuscles, waves of them, filled the area. From strangers – from many, almost every one – the softest rays radiated. Having caught them, with my nerves, with my whole being, I could derive the rest. Meditate, dream – not just about the carnal. Guess the generosity of soul, modesty, tenderness. And of that same eternity about which I had once written to Semmant.
Again, not doubting any longer, I reflected on the aura, the female essence. I fantasized profusely but then took a sober look and asked firmly: Is this true? And I answered: Yes, perhaps. It soon became clear: the phenomenon could not be challenged or denied or disbelieved. On the contrary, the softest ray demanded to be named with a word. I called it the Light of Eve. After that, everything fell into place.
Eve, first of the first of them; she is pure – as is her light: you cannot lie to her name. I began to acknowledge everything to which I had previously closed my eyes. Ashamed of my blindness, I ruefully repented; and this was easy: for to whom, if not to Eve, can one come in penance, confessing the most terrible of sins? She will forgive, for in her lives the unshakable confidence of amnesty. She will forgive for real: this is not the same as seeking the clemency of the gods, whom you never entirely trust. With her you can feel like a child, an infant in her arms. She will be attentive beyond measure, then instantly become lighthearted and carefree; in her resides the spontaneity of childhood, unblemished infantile innocence. For this cause is there such a desire to indulge all of them – Eve as well as her sisters – and we indulge and pamper them, even though we know they are desperately, irreversibly sinful!
But so what – what is that to us? This is so easy to forget, to fail to ever recall, when in their faces, features, and movements is a beauty that defies comparison. No one may ensnare its echo or describe it – neither with intricate phrasing nor the simplest of words. All of them, these Eves, are beautiful in themselves, but this is not enough, as they are insatiable. Daily, tirelessly – I would say casually, routinely – they reproduce the beauty that is all around; they resonate with every trace of harmony dispersed in space. Selected by nature, they are the decoders of harmony for dense, rough creatures – us. One can only be amazed by their boundless generosity – truly, they give so much! Only the ignorance of the world, reducing the most beautiful to the primitive, keeps them from realizing their value and becoming too proud or yielding to grief. In this is our great good fortune as men!
The softest ray became my secret fetish. In it converged all the harmonies in the world, all the maelstroms and whirlwinds on earth, but I felt: their confluence was neither disorder nor a shallow ripple. In the richest palette of its reflections I saw symbols of a higher power – power over the untidy universe, which even time cannot mend. Unpredictability and inconstancy, the chaos of nonlinearity and the most variable meanings were drawn into the picture as an exceptional case, and merely confirmed its correctness. The waves and corpuscles bore the precise solution to the equations of life. A stable solution – the kind that does not depend on perturbations of the initial data. That’s why the confidence of amnesty is unshakeable – in Eve, as well as her sisters. Because they know who wants what – both for themselves, and for us, the foolish… Thus I came to understand my error, a beginner’s mistake. I had been searching in the wrong place, approaching the essence from the wrong angle. I skimmed the surface, as I was too impatient. And unjustifiably cut corners.
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